Tag Archives: husband

Smoking

10 Apr

Not to brag, but around these parts, and parts of Central California where I spent many years, I’m known for my cookies.  Yes, in the scheme of things, I realize this is a sad, pathetic talent to be known for.  I have a husband who is an accomplished artist, a son and daughter who are incredibly creative and talented.  I cook.  Specifically, I bake.  This is not impressive.  But if you are hungry, I can provide you with tasty treats. I bake most days of the week and have since I was a teen.  So, I am pretty committed to my gigantic KitchenAid mixer.  In fact, as ridiculous as this sounds to those of you who don’t enjoy time in the kitchen…If my family was safe and I had five minutes to grab stuff out of the house before it collapsed, it would probably be the photo albums, hard drive with photos, kid art and KitchenAid.

Until the event I am about to disclose, I didn’t even know just how radical my KitchenAid mixer was… I knew it was heavy, beastly even.  No joke, this bad daddy weighs over thirty pounds.  Now you know why I do 100 push-ups/day…I need to be strong enough to hoist this baby onto the kitchen counter and back into the cupboard.  Princessenpointe didn’t weigh 3o pounds until she was over two years old!  I received my KitchenAid mixer as a gift for Mother’s Day about a decade ago, so I did no research, information gathering, etc.  I only knew it could mix a quadruple batch of Snickerdoodles and  whip just about anything else into smithereens in seconds.  But, now I know it is a Professional 6.  This is one of the bad daddy models.

I know this because I was mixing whole wheat pizza dough the other day and the KitchenAid started smoking…smoking as in big plumes of smoke spewing from the back and from the front.  I was out back watering the plants while it mashed my dough for six minutes and when I came inside,  the kitchen was smokey.  Does this make the pizza “electrically fired?”  It’s a new take on “coal fired”…only instead of firing the dough in a coal fired oven, you fire the raw dow in a broken down KitchenAid.  EEEEK.  I was afraid to unplug the cord from the electrical socket.  Mind you, both Princessenpointe and Princelightningbolt were nearby and neither noticed the smell or the smoke.  So, if you invite them over to your house, be sure your smoke detector has new batteries because they probably won’t notice that your house is burning down.

Long story short, my KitchenAid is at the repair shop getting new motor parts.  I lasted one day without it and had to borrow Mrscooksalot’s extra.  This extra mixer is a bitty, bitty baby compared to my bad boy, but it will do until I get mine back.  I’ve made some macaroons in it and they are delicious, but I still feel like something major is missing from my life.

Look closely…there is a little plume coming out of the front of the mixer..this is all the smoke that was left after I freaked out for a few minutes, unplugged and thought to go get my phone for a picture…Next time I will be quicker to get the shot.

Image

Bubbles

27 Jan

My husband, SirSkatesAlot, just got home from a week away, so he is feeling especially helpful this weekend.  I appreciate any and all help right now, don’t get me wrong.  Yesterday, in his flurry of housecleaning and helpfulness, SirSkatesAlot ran the dishwasher with the liquid soap used for washing dishes in the sink. Easy mistake.  Both the dish soap and the dishwasher soap live under the sink.  Although it has never happened to me, I guess I can understand how one could mistake the white dish soap with the squirt top and the words “Liquid Dish Soap ” on the label for the green container with the crusty white residue on the pop top that says “Dishwasher Detergent.”  No judgement here, this probably happens to people all the time…

Have you ever seen a fountain that has been pranked by teenagers using dish soap?  Did you notice the mountains of bubbles?  You get the idea.  Just imagine a dishwasher instead of a fountain.  Bubbles are great for soaking dishes, washing hands, cutting grease and killing germs.  However, bubbles are not great in the dishwasher.  Bubbles are not great on the floor of the kitchen when they are spewing out of the dishwasher.  Worse yet, all those bubbles did not even clean the dishes.  SirSkatesAlot should probably stick to chores involving shoe goo and skateboards…and velcro straps, too.

Rebel Patient

25 Jan

Within 36 hours, I broke my stormtrooper boot.  Yep, snapped that necessary velcro strap clean off the boot.  Thank goodness I married a skateboarder.  They are crafty and used to making due with random shit. Skateboarders can bandage a wound and move an entire household with just shoe goo and a skateboard.  I am not kidding.  Russ used shoe goo to mend our furniture and his shoes for many years.  His skateboard has provided dolly service to us for more moves than I can count.  Laugh if you want, but this is true.  Do you even know a skateboarder?  If you do, your life is fuller, and gooier.

So Saturday after my surgery when the stormtrooper boot busted wide open, Super Skateboard Husband busied himself in the mess of our garage/art studio/laundry room/who knows and came out looking like Clark Kent exiting the phone booth only instead of a cape, he had…a dirty, black velcro strap!  My boot was skateboarder christened and I asked no questions.  I was relieved I would not have to skip my 15 minute standing intervals until Monday.

Then, Sunday morning my daughter brought me my “pump you up” pump that literally pumps up my boot.  However, it had been mauled by our black lab.  I knew I was doomed for my first pre-op appointment.  Staggering in with a dirty black strap on my broken storm trooper boot with a chewed up pump.  Rebel patient with a knack for destruction.

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