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Das Boot and Barf

11 Feb

I have found another benefit of having Das Boot.  Sirbarksalot was barfing last night.  Twice.  Sooo gross.  If you have experienced a large dog barfing in the middle of the night, you know this includes disgusting noises, shouts, a leap from the bed, lights flicked on, slider to outside open, dog bed changed, barf cleaned up (gross, gross, gross).  So, when this all transpired last night, I was exempt from any jumping, leaps from the bed, opening the slider, changing dog bed and cleaning up barf.  Remember, I am a Peg Leg.

When all the chaos started, Sirskatesalot took the lead and I rolled over to face the opposite direction with Das Boot.  Das boot and I got cozy and settled while Sirbarksalot heaved, Sirskatesalot leapt from the bed, ripped the crate door open and threw Sirbarksalot outside.  I offered a  feeble, “Can I help you?”  But Sirskatesalot knows I am a Peg Leg and cut me some slack.  He took the bed outside, cleaned the crate, re-bedded the crate and put the pup back to bed.  I cuddled with my pillows.   Ah, so nice to be a Peg Leg at times like this. People expect so little of me.

And then, another disgusting round of barf noises from the crate.  “Sirskatesalot, Sirskatesalooooottttt! ” I scream while he is out in the kitchen cleaning up.  Damn.  Am I really going to have to get Das Boot and I out of bed?  Aha, I spot my phone on the nightstand.  I text, “Bring paper towels!”  I hear Sirskatesalot immediately running down the hall.  Ah, now I can go back to sleep.  He bursts through the bedroom door,”Is he throwing up again?”  I just roll over and groan.  I’m tired.  Das Boot has had to roll over, pull on the covers and resettle already three or four times.

But I am grateful to Das Boot that Sirskatesalot never even asked me to get out of bed.  I am going to keep the hated Das Boot by my bed at all times so that when a kid or dog is barfing at night, I can velcro it on and skip all barf clean up duties.  Das Boot sucks, but barf clean up is so much worse.

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Das Boot

2 Feb

Yes, I know that is the title of a war movie from the 1980s, but it sure sounds like a funny way to refer to my boot.  In addition, das boot is actually a weapon of mass destruction so the war analogy seems appropriate. I know my boot is not a boat, don’t worry.  I just want to share a little about my complex and tortured relationship with das boot.  Das boot is clearly a necessary evil and I am grateful it is removable (only when I am seated) and that I don’t have to be on crutches.

There are some major issues though.  Das boot does not fit under any pants except for yoga pants…stylish, yes, but I only have one pair.  Skinny jeans tuck in nicely but look ridiculous.  The only shoe I have that makes my right leg level with das boot on my left leg is my dirty, trail running shoe.  Do you see another skinny jean dilemma? Das boot has to be removed every time I change.  This process involves lots of velcro, gentle removal of my sad foot and some scootching and manuevering in the seated position to get dressed…sometimes even with legs in the air like a rolly polly bug on its back.

Worst of all is sleeping with das boot.  As you can see from my first post, das boot is enormous.  It is heavy.  It is sharp.  It is plastic.  Cozy up with that and a good book!    This sucker requires me to wake up completely to roll over, it gets caught in the covers, it bangs into my other leg, and it is just downright uncomfortable.  I am sleeping with a weapon of mass destruction and it is not SirSkatesAlot.

 

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