Foot Surgery is Like Pregnancy

28 Jan

Ah, you sneer, “Foot surgery is NOTHING like pregnancy!”  I understand your initial defensiveness.  I have been pregnant two times and I thought it compared to nothing else in this world.  However, now that I am a Peg Leg, I have found a glaring similarity.  Random people I encounter with my Peg Leg, and some close friends as well, want to share with me every injury or trauma they have had involving anything from their leg south.  These thrilling topics include injuries to all of these and more: fibia, tibia, a torn calf muscle, hamstring, mcl, acl, plantar fasciitis and plantar warts (gross!).

This is where I am taken back to the feelings I had being pregnant.  My huge belly seemed to be a welcome sign for complete strangers to share with me the horrors of pregnancy, delivery, babies and motherhood.  My Peg Leg elicits similarly negative stories about feet and legs. I get it, people want to relate.  But, remember,  I am now only up to 20 minutes of standing time per hour.  These stories generally use up all my minutes, the buzzer goes off, I have accomplished nothing and I have to go sit down.  So far, I have missed my daughter dancing, had to leave the grocery store without actually buying anything and ditched out at World Market when I had a bitchin 49% off coupon.  I am depressed just typing this.

How do you stop someone mid-sentence when they are sharing their traumatic plantar wart story with you? Honestly, I would prefer to limp past everyone and go about my business.  I don’t want to talk about my Peg Leg.  I don’t want to explain my confusing surgery nor how long I will be a Peg Leg.  Not interesting to me in the least. And while I feel empathy for you, I don’t really want to live through your traumatic foot or leg experience when I am still in the throws of my own.

Talk to me about the beach, sunsets, dinners out at nice restaurants, long bike rides, runs in the mountains.  Share with me about living the life I used to live and I miss so much.  Share with me all day long and I will live vicariously through you, but keep your inquiring minds and your broken bones, ligaments and cartilage to yourself…Unless I am on my 40 minutes of sitting and I have a chair.  Then, I am bound to be bored to death and happy to have some free entertainment.

.  photo copy

4 Responses to “Foot Surgery is Like Pregnancy”

  1. NTP January 28, 2013 at 3:46 am #

    You go girl, well put and very eloquent, now to tell you about the problem that I’m having with an ingrown toenail on my right foot, just kidding…

    • bossybostwick January 28, 2013 at 7:23 pm #

      Ah, you are easy to please. I would love to hear the gory details of your ingrown toenail at 1215 when I start my next 40minutes of sitting…

  2. Nora January 28, 2013 at 3:55 am #

    I think you ought to either wear a sign that says “Please, don’t share your story, I’m miserable already. Thank you for your consideration”. OR. Use one of those electric wheelchair grocery carts so you are sitting down while shopping. And I think you ought to wear your running gear while shopping. Hahaha

    • bossybostwick January 28, 2013 at 7:24 pm #

      That would be awesome, but my running clothes don’t look so cute with my boot. Two totally different styles 🙂

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